All I Ever Wanted
by MayhemPrincess
Summary: Part of the genderbending SQ series. "If there is a chance, no matter how small that she'll let me back into her life, then there is no power in the universe that can keep me away."
1. Chapter 1

_An: Part 3 of the gender bending Swan Queen series. M!Regina or Rey, but Gina might come back after a while._

 _For those who read The Real Swan...please don't get violent, if I die there won't be an update and I'm working on it I swear._

* * *

 _"Please...help me."_

 _The fairy glared at the pleading girl. This was the spawn of darkness, and she would only bring more darkness to the realm. "Your family is blacklisted, their fairy was stripped of power. Return to your wicked mother, there are no wishes to be granted to anyone of your blood...you're wasting your time. "_

 _"Please...I'm not like her, I don't want to be like her! If I'm away then whatever darkness you see in me won't hurt anyone! If not for me, then help others by sending me away." The dark haired girl begged, desperate._

 _"She needs me for her plans, if I'm gone then she can't get what she wants."_

 _The fairy stopped for a second, she knew of the Dark One's interest in this girl, that her mother would bring more chaos and threaten light... Perhaps this was her chance, make sure the Dark One's plan was not successful, the fairies would be safe, she would not lose her power._

 _"Very well."_

 **SQ-SQ-SQ**

Everyone stared in silence, unsure of what was going on.  
They had done what hey were supposed to, they all had revealed on of their deepest secrets, yet even with the bridge fully formed, the cage refused to open. They had thought that the blonde's secret would be enough, but Emma's revelation that she wished Neal dead had not been enough to free him.

When Neal decided he should reveal his own secret. That he wouldn't give up on Emma, nothing happened.

"Fuck." Emma cursed. If that didn't work then what were they supposed to do then? Sure the cage didn't look all that strong, but if they tried to force it open the whole thing would probably collapse and send them to their deaths. "What are we supposed to do now?"

This was just too much, she should have just kept looking for Henry and forget about trying to find Neal. Then she wouldn't have to hear her mother say how she just wasn't enough. Not what she wanted, that she wanted a new baby... She couldn't deal with this, her son needed her. Even if her parents didn't.

"I thought you said the secrets were supposed to free him." David glared at the pirate suspiciously. Sure he had come to sort of like the man after the way he helped him...but he was still a pirate.

"Aye, that's what I thought as well, mate." The one handed man confirmed. Unsure of why it hadn't worked. Just when they began to worry that Pan had tricked them, the boy himself had appeared, flying above them.

"It would have worked too...but then that last secret was really pathetic wasn't it?" He smiled mockingly at Neal. "Not even a real secret. Even if it was, it's nowhere near your darkest secret, is it Baelfire? There are so many things you're hiding...especially from the Savior."

Emma glared at the flying boy and then at Neal, who avoided her eyes confirming Pan's words.  
The blonde chuckled bitterly. Of course he'd have more secrets. She thought angrily, not just secrets but something he kept from her especially. Something that would affect her deeply, or Pan wouldn't have bothered to bring it up.

"See, Baelfire... she's not even surprised." The blond teenager laughed. "But then, why would she? You have a history of hurting her terribly. And what she knows is not even the worst thing you've done to her..."

"You fucking bastard!" The caged man growled, furious at the smug teen. How dare he do this?

"What's he talking about Neal?" Emma glared at him. What else had he done? "What the fuck did you do? Wasn't it enough with using me and letting me pay for your crime?" She growled.

"Emma..." He looked away guiltily.

"What did you fucking do?!"

Pan's laughter echoed all over the cave. "Do start talking, Bae...or you'll be in there forever and poor Henry will pay for it."

Neal's shoulders sagged and he gave up fighting, he knew he had to tell her. Knew he had to reveal what he'd done. Looking at her pleadingly, he said. "It was an accident... I didn't know it would activate. I didn't know, there wasn't supposed to be any magic in that world...the portal wasn't supposed to open. I didn't mean to push him through..."

"Neal, what the hell are you talking about...?"

"But how could I tell you? You'd think I was insane...so I lied." He continued as if he hadn't heard her. He didn't look at her, didn't want to see the look on her face.

A feeling of dread began to spread through Emma's body. In the back of her mind connections were being made, terrible scenarios began to form and her body shook with fear of whatever would come out of Neal's mouth next. "Tell me what...?"

A pained Neal finally met her eyes as he destroyed what little had been left intact after his first betrayal. "He didn't leave...I-I...he fell through a portal..."

 _"...Rey?"_ She asked with a shaky voice, neither her parents nor Hook had ever heard from the usually strong woman.

Neal nodded, confirming Emma had guessed correctly.

Her eyes widened, her breath violently left her body and she collapsed on her knees, just as the door of the cage opened. The Dark One's son immediately got out, his eyes fixed on the blonde. He took a step towards her, attempting to approach her.

 **SQ-SQ-SQ**

 _"He left... he's not coming back."_

 _"W-What? No...he wouldn't leave me."_

 _"I'm sorry, Emma."_

 _"He wants to marry me! He said I'd never be alone again!"_

 _"You're not alone, I'm here for you."_

 **SQ-SQ-SQ**

Emma's parents and Hook had watched in silence as the former lovers spoke, the man revealing something that seemed to shock Emma to the core, hurt her terribly. Break her even...

Snow and David were just about to ask what was going on, when Neal, now free of the cage, approached Emma. David was about to protest and tell him to get away from his daughter when Emma snapped.

And there was no other word for it. She snapped and brought her fist to the man's face, the sound of something breaking not enough to stop her as she began punching and kicking the man. "You fucking bastard! You son of a bitch! HOW COULD YOU!?" She grabbed him by his hair and slammed his bleeding face against the cage he had just escaped, ignoring the screams from her parents and Hook as the stone bridge started to shake.

"You told me he left! You said he was gone! You made me think he didn't love me!" She was going to kill him, she was going to fucking kill him! "You lied! You took him from me, you took him from me so you could get me into bed...oh god..."

She had fallen for it. She had cursed his name and let Neal comfort her and make new promises and tell her he loved her, she had fallen into bed with him while the man she loved was trapped somewhere in another realm, probably hurt...or...

NO!

"Where is he!? Where did you send him? What did you do to him!?" She growled forcing the broken man to look at her, shaking him roughly. Arms wrapped around her suddenly, dragging her back away from Neal.

"No! Let me go! Let me go, I'm gonna fucking kill him! Let me go David! He took Rey from me! He loved me! He loved me and Neal took him from me!" She fought against her father's hold to no avail, she fought for what seemed like hours until her legs gave out and she collapsed sobbing in David's arms. "He loved me...

...he was going to marry me..."

Snow and even Hook watched helpless as the strong woman they knew broke down completely in her father's arms, her spirit breaking before their eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN:** Sorry for the long wait. Hope you like this one. There's some answers and some new questions ;)_

 _This story is unbetaed all mistakes are mine._

* * *

Her eyes opened and she gazed upon the endless trees of the Neverland needed to get up, her son needed her… when had she fallen asleep? She didn't remember setting up camp or… her eyes widened as they settle on the man standing on the other side of the camp arguing with her father. His bruised face bringing back all the memories from the cave along with the anger. She could not hear their words even as her body stood and walked towards the men on auto pilot. She didn't want to hear his voice, she wanted him dead.

More so now than when she had shared her secret back in the cave.

She was almost upon them, when arms grabbed her from behind and forced her to drop the sword she didn't remember holding. She fought against the person,kicking and screaming at them to let her go. Her struggle alerting David and Neal of her presence. The latter taking a step closer only to be pushed back by a frowning David, who glared at him and said something she could not hear.

She just remembered cursing at Neal and wishing she could burn him with her eyes.

—-

 _"Thank you."_

 _Emma opened her eyes and looked up at him from her favorite spot on his chest. It was nice… being able to listen to his heartbeat. Reassure herself that he was real and not just a dream. There really was someone in the world who loved her._

 _And she was here in his arms after making love for the first time._

 _"Huh? Was it that good?" She smirked but couldn't quite prevent a blush from spreading all the way down from her cheeks to her neck and chest._

 _"It was perfect." He smiled and pulled her closer, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "But I meant, the day we met… thank you for trusting me and not running away."_

 _She could feel the heat on her face and buried her face on his chest again. "I think you hit your head or something, because I remember running away from you…"_

 _"And straight into the path of that truck." He played with her beautiful blonde hair. "An ice cream truck…"_

 _"You saved me from the big bad ice cream truck…my hero." Emma swooned mockingly. "Thanks though… that would have been a pathetic way to die."_

 _"Very… I'm glad you stopped running after that. That you believed me when I said I wanted to help." He kissed her forehead, lingering a few seconds._

 _"Yes, well I hit my head… and you promised me lunch."_

 _"Oh, of course it was all about the food." He pretended to be mad. "Well then I guess since you only wanted me for my cooking then there's no point asking you to marry me."_

 _"Exactly….wait what?" Emma suddenly pulled away and sat up, eyes wide as she stared at him shocked. "M-Marry?"_

 _He gave her an intense look. All joking gone from his brown eyes and replaced with a purer, softer emotion. "If it's me you want though… then would you? Marry me, I mean."_

 _Her heart was beating wildly and she looked at him like she couldn't comprehend his question. "You… you're not joking."_

 _"I'm not."_

 _She shook her head and saw how he deflated, looking suddenly sad and hurt. "No! That's not… I mean… I don't understand." Emma frowned confused. "You want to marry ME?"_

 _He looked at her for a second and then he knew. She couldn't believe someone would want to marry her. Be with her forever. "I've never wanted anything more. I love you." His hands cupped her face gently, thumbs wiping away tears she hadn't realized had escaped her. "All my life I have wanted love. Love from a mother who could not give it, love from a father who would stand there and let Her hurt me. It took me a long time to understand that they were never really family… and I thought I'd never be a part of one. Then I met you and it took just a smile from you to make me love you… and in the time we've known each other you became my love and my best friend."_

 _"I thought Neal was your best friend…" She leaned into his touch, smiling happily. "He'll get jealous."_

 _"Nah, that brute?" He chuckled. "He's a good friend, kind of like a brother sometimes… but you're the one I tell everything. The one who makes me feel like I can be myself. Plus you're much prettier." He said with a smirk as he pulled her back into his embrace._

 _"You're my family Emma, my home. I don't need to keep hoping for love because I've found you. I want you, I love you. I want forever with you. So please…_

 _...will you marry me?"_

—

She woke up with a sob this time, hands clutching her chest as if she could somehow stop the pain. Arms wrapped around her and she recognized Snow's voice trying to comfort her. She clung to her mother and let the years of pain out with each sob, with each tear. It hurt so much and Emma knew nothing would make it better. Especially not the arms of a woman who had admitted she wasn't good enough, but at least she was there in that moment and Emma could hold onto something.

Even when the only two people she wanted to hold her were out of her reach.

"It's alright. I'm here…" Snow whispered trying to somehow soothe the pain her child was in. She didn't understand the situation and Neal had refused to say much without Emma awake… not that her waking up had been good for him as Emma had tried to hurt him with a sword and then set the man's clothes on fire. He had rolled on the ground and put the fire out before they could fully burn, but Snow was terrified by the sight. Never before that moment had she been afraid of Emma… she didn't understand how her daughter was capable of such hate…even after they had removed the darkness from her.

But then as she watched her child cry in her sleep, she remembered that her the anger in Emma's eyes had come from pain. She was hurt so badly that she seemed broken. The woman felt anger at Neal as well, she didn't want him close until Emma decided what to do and David was even more determined to keep him away, going as far as to threaten Neal's _little friend_ with his sword. Hook of all people kept the peace and yet he gave Neal and the sleeping Emma looks she couldn't understand…

Maybe it was jealousy, though it didn't make sense as Hook obviously had more chances winning Emma's heart than the other man did after the blonde's reaction to Neal's secret.

After she made sure Emma was okay, she would try to find out more. Her thoughts were interrupted as Emma pulled away and made to stand up. "Emma…"

"I'm fine…" The blonde said in an almost dead voice. "Where is he?" She looked around for Neal, but couldn't see him.

Snow shook her head and tried to get Emma to sit down again. "Emma, I don't think…"

"Where is he?" The savior pulled away from her touch, ignoring Snow's hurt look. "I need answers and he has them." She felt dead inside. She had lost the man she loved and made to believe that he had left her…all so Neal could use her and leave her to pay for his crime… pregnant. She closed her eyes as a new wave of pain flooded through her. For so long she hadn't know who the father of her child had been… not until Gold used his magic to track Henry.

And now she wished with all her heart she could change it. Make Rey the real father, get him back and beg for forgiveness for believing Neal. For letting her fear of been abandoned blind her to that bastard's lies. So much for always knowing someone was lying to her. She had been so stupid.

She would get answers this time and then Neal better stay the hell away from her. Because Henry's father or not, she would kill him.

"Snow…where is he?"

The older woman sighed and motioned for Emma to follow her. David, Hook and Neal weren't too far away, just enough so that the trees kept them out of view from Emma. The moment they approached, all three rose from the ground, unsure of what the savior's reaction would be.

"Why?" Emma glared at Neal, ignoring everyone else.

The man flinched avoiding her eyes and pleading with her. "..it was an accident. I had stolen a magic bean from a man, I thought they had no magic but I stole it anyway because I didn't want to risk the guy somehow discovering what it was. When I returned to our place, Rey told me about the two of you… but I was in love you Emma…" He continued, ignoring her snort of disbelief.

"So you decided to get rid of him?"

"No! Emma that's not what I…" He shook his head vehemently, but she ignored him.

"Was it a game? Did you enjoy making me hate him? All so that you could have a good fuck? Did it turn you on, Neal? Fucking me while I was breaking inside, while I was in agony over a betrayal that never happened?" She sneered at him, ignoring Snow's shocked gasp and David's angry growl. "Did it make you cum harder knowing he was trapped in another world while you were buried between my legs 'trying to make the pain go away'… that's what you said, remember? That you'd make me forget the pain, forget him…"

"Emma, no…please." Neal stepped closer, limping in his slightly Burnt clothes. "I left. He told me and I turned around and left… but he followed me. He followed me and I snapped. I told him I was in love with you and I didn't want to be around for the wedding… I tried to leave and he grabbed me but I punched him…I wasn't thinking, I was just angry and hurt and we got into a fight."

He looked at her trying to make her understand with his eyes…but there was too much pain in her own green orbs. "The bean fell off my pocket and… Emma he recognized what it was." That was something he still didn't understand. "He thought I had set him up… we were struggling and the portal was opening… and he fell into it…"

Emma stared at him.

"You want me to believe…that it was an accident? Are you serious? You were struggling and he just fell?" She mocked him and took a threatening step forward. "Stop lying to me for once in your life!"

"I didn't see the portal!" Neal screamed, suddenly angry himself. "He was on top of me, hitting me and I pushed him away. I didn't realize he would fall into the damn thing!" Suddenly deflated he whispered. "I didn't mean to push him into it… he was my friend…"

"He was excited to tell you… you were going to be his best man. He said you were like the brother he always wanted…" Emma closed her eyes, lost in memories. This wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair…

"Em.."

"Don't! Don't you dare calling me that." She growled. "I don't give a damn if it was an accident or not… you still did it…and then you lied to me and took advantage of my pain. I will never forgive you for this… I want you out of my life. After we find Henry, you will not talk to me again… I don't want you near me or my son. But if he still wants to see you I won't stop him. I will not lie to him for you though or pretend things are okay between us." She couldn't do it… she had promised not to lie to Henry again. And after finding out about this she knew she wouldn't be able to make herself be civil to Neal. "No more lying, no more making me look like the bad guy for not telling my son about you when you are the one who destroyed my life"

Neal looked down and whispered. "Our son…"

"Our nothing. He's My son… you have no right to make claims after everything you did. He shouldn't have been yours, he should have been Rey's. He's the man I would have wanted to be an example for Henry. Not a bastard like you." With that she turned around and walked away from the group.

 **—**

"Swan!" The pirate's voice called from behind her.

"Not now Hook!" She kept walking not in the mood for his advances. She was tired of pretending, she was tired of everyone wanting something from her. And her giving it for fear of being abandoned. She was done.

"Swan…" He grabbed her by the arm and had to duck under a punch as she turned around obviously angry. "Shit! Woman stop that." He said as she kept trying to hit him.

"Don't touch me! Whatever you think you can get from me, forget it." She pushed him away and made to leave again but he pulled her back again. She was prepared to break his face, when he let go and took a step back.

"I just want to talk. It's important… I swear I won't even ask for a kiss." He smirked when she rolled her eyes. Then he remembered what he wanted to say and shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He couldn't deny he wanted her, badly even… and for just a moment he had considered hiding what he knew.

..But the lass had already suffered enough due to a man who wanted her lying to her. And he had a life debt to pay.

"This Rey of yours… was he like my size… had dark brown hair and eyes? A scar on his lip maybe?" He traced his own upper lip to show her where the scar would be and suddenly found himself pinned against a tree, the tip of a sword dangerously close to his throat.

"How the fuck do you know that?" The savior glared coldly at the one handed pirate.

He gulped, worried about the dark look in the woman's eyes. She would probably really hurt him if he wasn't careful with his words. This was a side of the savior he had not seen before and he had to admit it was fucking scary. Where had she been hiding all this anger?

"I think I might know him…"


End file.
